MY MOTHER's mouth falls open and her eyes fill with tears. My boyfriend will dump me immediately, she warns. And I'll never be taken seriously at work. Spinning me around, she continues to brutally assess my "silly" new haircut.
Just an hour earlier, my conventional shoulder-length hair was hacked into an Eighties-style mullet - short on the top and sides, longer rat-tail-like spikes at the back.
The reason? It seems this long-buried monster, last spotted upon the heads of footballers like Chris Waddle and Kevin Keegan, DJ Pat Sharp and rock chicks Kim Wilde, Toyah Willcox and Suzi Quatro, seems to have been disinterred, and is now uber-cool. So I've decided to try it out.